


And your eyes...irresistible.

by Ziallitup (ZiallMashton)



Series: Irresistible [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Flashback, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Nightmares, OT5 Friendship, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con - Freeform, Underage - Freeform, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:05:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZiallMashton/pseuds/Ziallitup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is still recovering from the attack he encountered when he notices Niall acting off. When he asks about it Niall is hesitatn but tells Zayn to get all of the boys together. </p><p>None of them expected to hear the things Niall said.</p><p>(Part 4/4. Reading the other parts will be VERY helpful in understanding this part.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And your eyes...irresistible.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys. I am SO sorry for taking so long to get this done. It was a lot more emotional than I tought it would be plus it is much longer than the rest. There is a lot going on here and I hope it's clear. Trigger warnings: it is very graphic, self-harm mentions, lots of pain. Please read with caution. xx

Zayn’s eyes snapped open. He shot up and was sitting straight up. He was breathing heavily and a cold sweat was rolling down his skin. He felt warmth on his side and looked to see Niall sleeping. Zayn tried to control his breathing but he was terrified. 

The scenes and feelings of the attack were haunting his sleep, forcing him to relive it. He shook his head and scrubbed his hands against his eyes. He realized his body was shaking and pain was tearing through everything. He began to sob but grabbed a pillow to muffle the sounds. He didn’t want to wake Niall up. 

He lay back down on his side, back facing Niall, and continued crying into the pillow. Every bruise and cut was throbbing. His bum was the worst though. He couldn’t even move without feeling pain shoot through his spine and thighs. He shoved his face into the pillow, bit hard into the cotton and fabric, and dug his nails into it. 

He jumped and let out a little squeal when he felt a hand on his back, then he was falling off the bed but two hands were pulling him up before he could fall and hit the floor. He started fighting against the hands and screaming in pain. “Zayn! Stop, please stop. It’s just me. M’not gonna hurt you. Shh, babe.” He heard a familiar voice soothing him. 

He opened his eyes wide and saw the moonlight making Niall’s blue eyes glimmer in the darkness. He stared into them and his vision became blurry with unshed tears. He blinked at Niall and the tears rolled down his cheeks. Niall cupped Zayn’s face gently and swiped the tears away with his thumbs, never breaking eye contact. 

“You okay?” Niall whispered gently. 

Zayn shook his head slowly. “Everything hurts, so much.” 

“I know baby.” 

“How can you say you know?” Zayn asked not unkindly, just curious. 

“I...I uh,” Niall began stumbling for words. His calm composure was broken when the memories he’d spent years trying to forget flooded his mind. His hands became shaky on Zayn’s cheeks and his breathing sped up. 

Niall shook his head. “Niall?” Zayn asked worriedly lifting his hands to cover Niall’s. Niall lifted his eyes to look into Zayn’s and took a deep breath. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it. Just please hold me.” Zayn said with his voice cracking and another tear rolling down his cheek. 

Niall nodded slightly, his own eyes were shining with fresh tears. He slid his hands down Zayn’s cheeks, over his neck, and wrapped his arms around Zayn’s waist. Zayn rested his head on Niall’s shoulder and hugged him tightly. Niall had his hands loosely resting on Zayn’s waist being careful of his injuries. 

Niall leaned down so they were lying back down. Zayn curled himself into Niall’s chest and held him tighter. Niall let out a shaky breath and pressed his lips to Zayn’s forehead. He kept them there and took a few breaths to compose himself. 

His heart was pounding. He heard Zayn whimper again and he pulled himself away from Zayn. “No, Niall please don’t leave!” Zayn pleaded. 

“Shh, hey do you really think I would?” Zayn shook his head. Niall’s heart did something in his chest. He didn’t know what he felt; looking at Zayn with his wide teary eyes, curled in composure, quivering lips, and a hoarse voice. 

He just looked so damn vunerable and Niall knew, right then and there, that he wanted to always be the one to keep Zayn safe and happy. He wanted to be the one to comfort Zayn through nightmares at night and tough times. 

Niall bit his lips when he realized all the thoughts in his head made his heart race. “Where are you going?” Zayn’s low voice broke through Niall’s thoughts and pulled him back to reality. He shook his head as if shaking the thoughts away. 

“Just to get you some painkillers and water,” Niall answered. He saw the frown deepen in Zayn’s face and Zayn’s eyes went a little wide. “Come with me?” 

Zayn’s body relaxed and he nodded frantically. “Yes, definitely. I don’t wanna be alone.” 

“I know you don’t. C’mon babe.” Niall extended his hand to Zayn which the boy gladly accepted. He got up from the bed and rested most of his weight on Niall’s body. When he tried to walk the pain in his body felt twenty times worse and he cried out. 

Niall instantly wrapped his arms around the boy and let himself be Zayn’s full support. He let Zayn catch his breath. “Lemme carry you, is that alright?” he whispered into Zayn’s ear. Zayn nodded and sniffled, trying to hold back more tears. He hated feeling so weak. 

Niall gently picked Zayn up bridal style again and smiled small when Zayn pressed his forehead to his neck and sighed contently. He walked them to the living room and laid Zayn on the couch. “I’m just gonna be in the bathroom. The door’ll be wide open so you can see me, okay?” 

Zayn nodded shakily. Niall kissed him on the forehead and cheeks before smiling down at Zayn and turning the lights to the living room and the hall leading to the bathroom on. “Be right back.” 

He walked to the bathroom and flicked the light on. He quickly took the bottle of painkillers out of the medicine cabinet, flicked the light off and jogged to the kitchen. He blindly opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water and was back at Zayn’s side in a minute. 

Zayn smiled wide when Niall returned and reached out his arms making grabby hands towards Niall. Niall’s heart lurched and began beating fast again. Zayn looked so young; so beautiful to Niall. He sat next to Zayn’s head and ran his free hand through Zayn’s soft hair. Zayn hummed at the feeling. 

Zayn lifted his head up to scoot back and rest his head on Niall’s thigh. “Hold on, take these first then get comfy.” Niall said shaking the bottle in his hand. Zayn hissed in pain and sat up partially, just enough to be able to take the pills without choking. He took three painkillers and reveled in the cool water soothing his sore throat. 

Niall got up to turn the TV on and the lights off. He grabbed the remote and sat back down. 

Zayn settled back down on his side with his head on Niall’s leg. Niall continued to run one hand through Zayn’s hair and rubbed small circles into his back with his other hand. 

“Can we watch a movie, or whatever shit is on right now? I’m too scared to fall back asleep. The nightmares seem too real.” Zayn asked and he hesitantly looked up at Niall. 

Niall smiled down at him and nodded. “Let’s get something on Netflix.” Niall suggested as he stopped running his hand through Zayn’s hair to grab the remote again. “What do you wanna watch?” He asked looking back down at Zayn. 

Zayn seemed to think it over for a moment before smiling and saying “The Avengers.” 

“Good choice, love that one.” Niall pressed a few buttons and a few minutes later the movie was starting. 

*__________*

Forty-five minutes into the movie and Niall could feel Zayn’s head turning from the TV to his face then back again every few minutes. He wasn’t too curious but then it got the better of him. He felt Zayn look up at him and he turned his head to look at Zayn. “Everything alright?” he wondered aloud running his hand through Zayn’s hair. 

“Yeah, just really wanna kiss you again.” Zayn admitted shyly with a blush spreading on his cheeks. 

Niall bit his lip. “You’re so fucking beautiful Zayn.” He said, looking into Zayn’s dark brown eyes. Zayn just shook his head as if saying _‘no I’m not’_. “Yeah you are sweetie.” He let his hand trail and run down Zayn’s cheek and under his chin. 

Zayn giggled at the tickling sensation. He felt his heart beating hard and fast in his chest. “My heart’s racing right now.” He admitted. 

“Mine is too.” 

“Kiss me Ni.” 

Niall smiled again and leaned down to fit his lips against Zayn’s. He sighed into the kiss and pressed his lips just a little harder to Zayn’s. Niall expected his mind to go reeling and butterflies to wreak havoc in his belly. What he didn’t expect was Zayn’s lips to open slightly and his tongue to poke out to run along his lips. 

Niall gasped and felt Zayn tense slightly. He quickly recovered and parted his lips to allow Zayn’s tongue to slip into his mouth. Zayn relaxed again and brought one of his hands to grip at Niall’s shirt. The angle was awkward because they were still sitting with Zayn laying down resting his head on Niall’s leg, so Niall was leaning down and it was sideways but so perfect. 

Niall pushed his tongue out to twirl it with Zayn’s. He was already completely lost in Zayn’s taste. He loved the way Zayn’s tongue was hesitant yet confident to explore his mouth. He felt the lack of oxygen getting to him and slowly pulled his tongue back into his mouth when he felt Zayn pulling his back. 

He pulled Zayn’s bottom lip between his lips and sucked it for a moment. He gently nipped it before letting it slide out of his mouth. They were both breathless and staring at one another with lazy smiles and wide eyes. “So beautiful,” Niall repeated once he caught his breath. 

Zayn closed his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t say that, Niall. I’m disgusting and ugly and used.” 

“Shut up. You know that wasn’t your fault. Whoever fucking did this to you is gonna get their asses kicked again. They’re not getting away with this. You’re not disgusting.” Niall said sincerely looking into Zayn’s now opened eyes. He swiped Zayn’s fringe across his forehead and out of his eyes. 

“I don’t wanna talk about them anymore,” Zayn whispered. 

“Alright, but how’re you felling? The pills help at all?” 

“A little bit. Certain spots are gonna hurt no matter how many painkillers I take.” Zayn answered then yawned big. 

Niall lowered the volume on the TV then moved their bodies around until Zayn’s back was against the back of the couch and Niall was wrapped around him from the edge of the couch. Niall reached up behind Zayn to grab the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and covered them both snugly. 

“Let’s try to get some sleep. If you get scared at all don’t hesitate to wake me up. It doesn’t bother me. Want me to leave the TV on?” Niall asked. Zayn just nodded against his chest in reply. “Alright.” 

Zayn looked at Niall and smiled. “Thank you.” 

“What’d I tell you about thanking me?” 

“To not to.” Zayn replied sheepishly. 

“Exactly. I just want you to be happy.” Niall loved how Zayn didn’t keep his emotions guarded around him. Zayn trusted him so much and his heart went crazy at the thought of just how much trust was in his eyes. “I love you Zayn, so much,” Niall breathed out with emotion in every word. 

Zayn understood that this was different from all the other ‘I love you’’s and smiled. He kept his eyes locked with Niall’s. He loved seeing the emotions run through Niall’s eyes, every one of them showing in his shining blue. “I love you too, Niall. Fuck, I love you so much.” He leaned his head forward to meet Niall’s lips in another kiss. He felt Niall shyly take the lead this time by slipping his tongue out first. Zayn smiled into the kiss and wrapped an arm around Niall to pull him closer. He tangled his legs with Niall’s and relaxed completely into the kiss. It ended too soon with smaller pecks before they pulled apart breathless again. 

“’M not letting anyone hurt you. Ever.” Niall stated firmly. Zayn smiled. 

“Same here babe. Try to ignore the bullshit hate people throw you. Everyone who loves you knows the truth as much as you do. We can’t let ‘em win.” 

“It’s not hard to see how I fell for you.” 

“It’s been a long time coming for me. I think I’ve loved you differently than the others since the beginning. I just didn’t realize it until recently.” Zayn admitted grinning widely. “And now you’re mine, right? It’s not moving too fast if I wanna make us official now is it?” 

“It definitely isn’t!” Niall exclaimed quickly. “Yes, yes. I’m all yours baby. A thousand times yes Zayn, I love you.” He breathed out. “We can take things slow. I wanna show you what you’re worth because you’re worth so much more than you let yourself believe.” 

“Why do you give me so much credit?” Zayn asked with another yawn. 

“I’ll show you why in time.” Niall kissed Zayn’s nose. “Don’t put yourself down anymore, please?” and he kissed each of his cheeks. 

“I’ll try,” Zayn whispered back. Then Niall kissed his lips and he smiled into it because he finally had Niall. His heart was erratic when Niall pulled back. He snuggled into Niall’s neck and kissed him softly. “You’re so warm,” he whispered against the soft skin there. 

Niall shivered when he felt Zayn’s lips and his warm breath fanning across his neck. “Yeah,” was all he could say. “Try to rest babe.” 

“Mmhmm,” was Zayn’s only reply. 

“Goodnight my angel,” he whispered into Zayn’s hair. 

“Nite babe,” Zayn mumbled into Niall’s neck. 

Once again Niall waited until Zayn’s breathing was even showing that he was asleep before falling asleep. 

*__________*

Zayn was woken by the sound of a lock clicking, his squeaky front door opening, and three familiar voices shushing each other. “You guys are terrible whisperers,” he heard Niall’s groggy morning voice say. “Now shut the fuck up or you’ll wake Zayn.” He could feel Niall’s chest vibrate with each word and he lazily laughed at the sensation. “Bloody wankers,” Niall groaned out running his hand through Zayn’s hair. 

Zayn lifted his head and was met with tired blue eyes that shone bright in the morning light. “Morning babe,” he whispered huskily. 

Niall sighed in appreciation of the voice. “Good morning to you gorgeous.” Zayn buried his face back into Niall’s neck with a blush but Niall could feel him smiling. 

He could feel Niall shuffling his body around trying to get up. “Where y’goin?” he mumbled. 

“Breakfast!” Niall chirped happily. 

Zayn groaned and pulled the blanket over his head. He felt Niall pull the blanket off of his face and place a kiss to his lips. He smiled up at Niall then snuggled back into the couch cushions. “Can you get me more painkillers before you go please?” 

“Course I can babe, still bad?” Niall asked concerned. 

“Feels worse actually. Everything hurts so much.” 

Niall frowned at Zayn. He grabbed a fresh bottle of water and a few pills then helped Zayn take them. He wiped Zayn’s hair to the side of his forehead and kissed him there. “It’ll be okay, I’ll make it all go away.” 

Zayn just bit his lip and nodded. Niall stood up and acknowledged the other boys properly for the first time. “Morning guys.” 

“Hey,” they all chorused. 

His attention fell back to Zayn. “What d’ya wanna eat?” 

Zayn just shrugged. “Don’t care really. My throat hurts though, so nothing too rough.” Niall nodded. He asked the other boys what they wanted and padded off to the kitchen with Harry, who offered to help cook, to begin breakfast. 

There was an awkward silence in the living room while Louis and Liam stood in the doorway. Zayn reached for the remote and tried to find something to watch. He stopped and turned his head slightly to look at the boys. “’S okay guys. Sorry I freaked out last night. I don’t mean anything against you guys. I’m just scared.” 

Louis nodded and Liam let out a breath he had been holding. “Don’t apologize Zayn. We just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable at all.” Liam explained. 

“It’s probably gonna be a while until I’m fully comfortable with anyone besides Niall.” 

“That’s okay, Z.” Louis said. 

“Thanks guys. Now come sit down.” 

Both boys smiled and sat on the other couch in the room. Zayn shot them a small smile then returned to flipping through the channels until he decided to just settle with one of the movie channels. He sighed and pulled the blanket over his head again. 

20 minutes later Niall and Harry barged into the living room with trays full of random foods. “Pig out boys!” Niall shouted. Zayn peeked out to see Harry flop down next to Liam and Niall crouch down next to him. “You wanna eat?” 

Zayn nodded and lifted himself up so he was leaning on his elbows. He sucked in a breath to avoid whimpering. Niall quickly wrapped his arms around Zayn to steady him. He helped him slowly sit up, hating the hisses of pain Zayn made. When Zayn was finally in a sitting position Niall looked at him to see if he was okay. There was an uncomfortable look on his face and his eyes were watery. 

“Do you wanna go in your bed instead?” Niall asked. Zayn quickly shook his head. “Okay. Let me get you a plate.” 

Zayn nodded then looked over to see the other boys had watched the whole scene. His heart sank at the sympathetic looks on their faces. He groaned and turned his head down. “Don’t look at me like that!” he snapped and looked back up at them. 

The three boys jumped in surprise and Niall stopped making the plate of food. “Sorry, it’s not like we know how to make you feel better.” Harry explained. 

“Well looking at me like that isn’t gonna help. It makes me feel worse,” Zayn replied in a much calmer tone. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and torso. “You guys are my best friends,” he continued in a sad tone, “I’m not saying to not treat me differently but you all know how to talk to me.” 

They all nodded and said sorry. “But if we say or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable you’ll say something, right?” Liam asked. Zayn nodded and Niall finished making their plates. He sat on the sofa next to Zayn and kissed his cheek before handing him his plate. 

“You’re the best,” Zayn commented as he looked at the plate. He had some scrambled eggs, toast with butter, and a blueberry muffin. He smiled when he saw the glass of orange juice on the side table. “I love you so much.” 

Niall smiled big, all his teeth showing and wrinkling the skin by his eyes making his eyes hide behind his cheeks. “I love you, too.” Then he leaned in and kissed Zayn’s lips softly. “Dig in babe, smells great.” 

Zayn nodded in agreement and took a bite. His shoulders relaxed as he chewed the food. His face scrunched up a little bit as he swallowed the food but quickly relaxed when he soothed his throat with cold orange juice. 

The rest of breakfast was spent in a comfortable silence with some random romantic comedy playing on the screen. Niall kept stealing small glances at Zayn to make sure he was still okay and was happy to see that he was eating at his normal pace and seemed fine. 

Zayn finished his food and Niall reached to grab his plate. They all piled their plates onto Zayn’s coffee table. Niall wrapped the blanket around Zayn and himself, he grabbed Zayn’s chin gently and moved their faces together. He pressed his lips to Zayn’s softly at first and when he felt Zayn kissing back he slipped his tongue out and into Zayn’s mouth. 

Zayn opened his mouth and twisted his tongue around Niall’s. Niall gently pushed his tongue into Zayn’s mouth and he could feel the vibrations in Zayn’s throat when the older boy groaned low. He felt Zayn’s hand press on the back of his neck to pull them closer together. 

Niall could taste the sweetness of the blueberry muffin and the tangy orange juice mixed with Zayn’s natural taste. Zayn could taste saltiness from the bacon Niall had devoured mixed with the creaminess of his chocolate milk. Both boys were so intoxicated in one another. 

Zayn was the first to slow down. He swiped his tongue across Niall’s top lip one more time before biting his bottom lip and pulling away. Niall groaned in protest but just earned a light breathless chuckle from Zayn. “That’s never gonna get old,” Niall murmured. 

“Mmm, I agree,” Zayn smirked. He pulled Niall in by his neck again to peck those thin pink lips one time then let his hand slide down Niall’s back with a smile on his face. When they came back to reality their smiles were wiped away when they looked over to see their three band mates staring at them with their mouths wide open and eyes wide. 

“That’s a bit overdramatic, innit?” Niall asked sarcastically. 

“Two of our best friends just ate each other’s faces, I think this is a perfectly acceptable reaction,” Harry was quick to quip back. Niall just rolled his eyes with a smile. 

“So, um,” Liam began, “are you guys like…what are you guys?” 

“Well I’m Irish and Zaynie here-.” 

“Don’t be a smart ass!” Louis piped in. 

“Yes!” Zayn breathed out. “Yes we’re together.” 

“Aww that’s so cute guys,” they all cooed poking Niall’s cheeks and smiling at Zayn. 

*__________*

“Ni, what’s wrong?” Zayn asked one night. It had been a week since Zayn’s attack and his body was finally healing. He wasn’t in as much pain anymore, plus he was beginning to feel okay around Liam, Harry, and Louis. 

Niall gripped Zayn tighter. “Nothing, don’t worry about me babe. How are you feeling?” 

“Don’t. Don’t do that Niall,” Zayn groaned to Niall. He pulled away from Niall and turned to face him. “Don’t keep changing the subject. You’ve been acting off since…since, y’know, since I…since that happened. Do you find me that gross?” he asked with tears lining his eyelids. 

“Stop, it’s not you Zayn. You’re the best thing ever in my life, like…ever. You aren’t gross and I’ve told you that so much and I mean it every time.” 

“Then why’ve you been acting so odd?” 

“I…I can’t talk about it Zayn.” 

“Please, you trust me, right?” 

“Of course I do baby.” 

“Then please, please talk to me. You’re bothered by something and I don’t like seeing it.” 

Niall sighed deeply. He curled his fist that was resting on his knee. “Fine, okay look, it’s hard to talk about but if I’m saying it then I want the guys to be here too. They deserve to hear it. We’ve got no secrets in this band, right?” he asked finally meeting Zayn’s eyes. 

Zayn nodded in agreement. “Right,” he repeated. He leaned in with his eyes closed to kiss Niall tenderly on the lips. “I love you so much baby,” he said cuddling back into Niall’s side. “You don’t have to if you don’t wanna though. I just hate seeing you upset, you know this.” 

“I know babe. I love you too. I don’t really want to but I know I need to. Maybe talking will help.” 

“Probably,” Zayn smiled into Niall’s chest. 

Niall wrapped his arm tighter around Zayn and kissed the top of his head. They fell asleep cuddled up watching some shit TV show that was only on for background noise. 

*__________*

Zayn wrapped his arms around Niall from behind. Niall was stood at the stove cooking lunch for them and the boys. Zayn softly kissed Niall’s neck. “You’re sure that you’re okay with this? You don’t seem too comfortable babe.” Zayn said lowly into Niall’s ear. 

“Yeah,” Niall replied quickly. “I’m okay. Like I said, you guys deserve to know. I just…I need you to be okay when I’m talking about it. This isn’t gonna be a fun conversation.” 

Zayn swallowed thickly then nodded. “I’ll be okay. I need you to be, too.” 

“I’m trying, so hard,” Niall whispered in a broken tone. Zayn only gripped him tighter and kissed his cheek. 

“I’m here for you, and I always will be.” Zayn breathed into Niall’s neck. 

“Same here, forever and always.” 

*__________*

Thirty minutes later Niall was finishing cooking the meal just as the door swung open revealing the other three boys. Zayn tensed a little but he looked over and offered them a small smile before returning to setting the table. The boys smiled and waved back to him then went to the living room to join Niall. 

“Everything’s ready,” Zayn said leaning against the doorframe in the living room. Niall clicked the TV off and all of the boys followed Zayn into the kitchen. Zayn wrapped an arm around Niall before he could sit down and gave him a peck on the lips. 

Niall could only smile at Zayn and he bit his lip as he blushed slightly, causing Zayn to smile back. Zayn could feel Niall’s body shaking a little bit and he kissed the boys temple. He leaned down to whisper in Niall’s ear so only he could hear. “Are you sure babe? You know you don’t have to.” 

Niall took a deep breath. “Yeah, I…I’ll be fine. Just nervous I suppose. Let’s eat first though.” 

“Alright, yeah c’mon love.” 

The other boys smiled when the two rejoined them at the kitchen table. “Smells great Niall,” Louis commented. 

Niall smiled small, “thanks, I hope it tastes good too.” 

It wasn’t anything fancy. Just some seasoned baked chicken, a simple salad thrown into a bowl, and garlic & olive oil spaghetti. All five boys served themselves and settled around the table to eat. They had some small talk and stupid jokes between bites and the setting was relaxed. 

Zayn was ripping the last of his chicken off of the bone to mix with his salad when he looked over and saw Niall. Niall was resting his head on one hand with his elbow propped onto the table and was looking down. His other hand was swirling around untouched food on his plate. 

Zayn frowned. He wiped his hands on a napkin and gently placed one on Niall’s shoulder. Niall’s head looked up to see who touched him. “Ni, why aren’t you eating?” 

Niall only shrugged in response and put his fork down. He stood up from the table which got the attention of the other boys as well. “M’not hungry right now,” he announced in a low voice. “I’m gonna go lay down for a bit.” 

“Ni,” Zayn got up and caught up to Niall in the hallway. “C’mere,” he said and gently pulled Niall into his body. Niall wrapped his arms tight around Zayn’s waist and buried his face in Zayn’s neck. “Babe,” Zayn began but Niall stopped him by shaking his head in Zayn’s neck. 

“I can’t eat right now. My stomach is doing flips, I just don’t feel good. Wanna lie down. Come with me please?” 

“Of course.” 

Niall knew Zayn wouldn’t want to be around the guys without him yet and he protectively put his arm around him as they walked to the bedroom. 

Louis, Liam, and Harry looked at one another worriedly as the other two boys walked away from the dinner table. They all fell silent until they heard the bedroom door close. They slowly finished the last few bites of their food before cleaning up and putting the leftovers in the fridge. 

They walked into the living room and turned the TV onto some random movie. Harry curled up into Liam. “I’m worried,” he whispered against Liam’s chest. 

Liam put his arm around Harry’s shoulders and held him close. “Me too, honestly, but we’ve got each other.” He kissed Harry’s forehead gently and felt Harry snuggle in closer. He looked over to Louis to see the older boy had a worried expression as well. His eyebrows were worried, eyes a bit wide, and his bottom lip was jutted out slightly. “C’mere Lou,” Liam whispered. 

Louis laid down and curled into Harry. He rested his head on Harry’s side just above his hip. He felt a hand begin threading through his hair and sighed at the feeling. Liam curled his fingers to drag his fingernails gently along Louis scalp and smiled when Louis closed his eyes and settled into Harry’s side. “Yeah, we’ll be just fine.” 

*__________*

Liam, Harry, and Louis perked up when they heard a door open. A few moments later Zayn and Niall walked into the living room holding hands. Liam smiled up at them and they both returned it with small smiled. 

“Sorry about that guys, we’re just…I dunno. Not that okay?” Zayn finished in a questioning tone. 

“Don’t apologize man. We’re here for you and we aren’t going anywhere.” Harry said as he rubbed the heels of his hands to his eyes. 

Zayn gently tugged Niall down to sit on a recliner with him and they snuggled up together. The boys were all quiet for a few moments before Niall sat up again slowly and cleared his throat. Four sets of eyes were on him and he blushed. He looked down at his feet then felt fingers softly on his back. He took a deep breath. “Okay, story’s a bit long and…” he paused to take a shaky breath, “and I don’t really know how I’m gonna be really. I haven’t told anyone, ever.” 

The boys all nodded in response. Zayn kissed his cheek gently. “Do you want me to stay right here or sit somewhere else?” he asked quietly. 

“I don’t think I can deal with being touched while I talk about this.” Niall answered sadly. He pecked Zayn sweetly on the lips and sent him a reassuring smile. Zayn nodded and returned the kiss. 

“I understand babe,” Zayn whispered. He stood up slowly and walked over to the couch. He sat next to Liam and hesitantly curled into the younger boys’ side. Liam carefully put an arm around Zayn’s shoulder and held him close. Zayn let his body relax feeling somewhat safe even without Niall holding him. He knew these guys wouldn’t hurt him but after the attack he was on edge with everyone but Niall. 

Niall wiped his sweaty palms on the fabric of the pants covering his knees. He closed his eyes and turned his head down before beginning. “When I was twelve…” 

_***flashback*** _

“Oh shut it, Jacob!” I shouted at the boy in front of me. “You know damn well how much that necklace meant to me and you stole it then sold it to some random asshole so you could get a new bike!” 

“No I didn’t!” Jacob shouted back. 

“Don’t stand there and lie to me. Raven saw the whole thing and showed me the pictures. Fuck you!” I watched his face contort from confidence to guilt when he heard I had evidence. I slammed my fists on the table before turning around and walking out slamming the door behind me. 

“Fine, leave. I don’t care.” I heard him yell behind me. 

I wiped the stray tears from my eyes and just decided to get home. It was late and a little chilly. It had to be like 11:30 at night and my phone was dead. I had planned to sleep over Jacob’s house until I found out he was the reason my necklace was gone. I was nearing the exit of a park two blocks from my house when it happened. 

I was roughly grabbed from behind and picked up by someone much bigger than me. He had large arms wrapped around my waist and a hand was brought up to my mouth to muffle the scream I let out. I began kicking and panicking. I was carelessly thrown into the back of a van and pushed against the side. I saw two men. One was really skinny and scruffy. He was balding with black grey hair. The other was a bulkier bald man with large limbs. Both men reeked of alcohol which wasn’t surprising judging by all of the beer cans and empty vodka bottles littering the floor. 

I already felt tears forming in my eyes as the two men hungrily eyed me from head to toe over and over. The bulkier man spoke then, “Aw, poor little guy wants to cry,” he fake cooed. 

“Don’t worry buddy, this’ll all be over soon enough,” the other man growled. Then he had his hands on my pants button, undoing them and pulling them down as quickly as he could through my squirming. 

The bulky man slapped me across my face. “Quit fucking moving so damn much or next time I’ll slap you harder,” he yelled. I whimpered while my body froze in fear and shock. I felt the tears begin flowing down my cheeks when they spread my legs and held them open. 

The skinny man licked his lips as he placed a finger over my hole. “Mmm, you got us a tight little virgin,” he breathed out. My body was trembling, tears soaking my face nonstop. The bulky man nodded then tore my shirt over my head. He grabbed me by my hips and wordlessly flipped me over, positioning me on my knees with my rear on full display. 

I’ll get the front and you get the back, then we’ll switch later,” the bulky man ordered. I heard belt buckles clanking and zippers being pulled. I screamed when the bulky man appeared in front of me with his hard dick out and in my face. He gripped my chin, “Shut the fuck up boy. The more you struggle the worse this will be for you,” he warned. “If you bite me I swear I’ll fucking choke you with it.” Then he was shoving himself harshly into my mouth. 

I gagged instantly at the intrusion in my throat and the fact that this big dirty man was forcing himself down my throat. The skinny man groaned behind me. He spread my cheeks apart before sloppily spitting on my hole. My eyes widened when I felt his tip pressing at me. I tried to pull off of the _thing_ in my mouth only to end up spluttering and shaking my head furiously in a ‘no’ motion. 

The bulky man just grabbed both sides of my head and kept himself deep down my throat while the other man quickly pushed in all the way. I tried to scream around the man in my mouth but that only pleased him more. I could hear them laughing and moaning. I began sobbing as more tears pooled on the floor beneath me. I couldn’t breathe. 

The man behind me laughed as I tried to pull away. It felt like I was being torn apart from both ends. My body was being ripped open and violated. I could feel warm liquid trickling down my thigh and only assumed it was blood. I felt the bulky man tense then he was shooting himself down my throat. When he finally finished and pulled out I was still gagging until my stomach finally gave out and I vomited on the floor of the van. 

The bulky man slapped me again, hard, “What the fuck, kid?!” he shouted. The man behind me picked up his pace and began slamming into me. I was whimpering and sobbing. I balled up my t-shirt and bit into it to prevent myself from screaming again as I felt him release inside of me. I felt him pull out shortly after and internally begged them to let me leave now. 

They had other plans because moments later someone was inside of me again and I was screaming into my shirt. I could see the skinny man lying there when I opened my eyes so I knew the bulky man was the one hurting me now. Suddenly I was flipped onto my back and shoved into the mess on the floor. He shoved himself back in and laughed at me as he spent himself. 

“You good?” I heard the bulky man ask when he had pulled out of me. 

“Yeah, he was fantastic.” Came the reply from the skinny man. 

I was suddenly jerked up by my arm. I was too weak to fight back anymore. I heard the door loudly screech open and was thrown naked onto the grass by the door. My clothes were thrown beside me and bulky poked his head out. “You don’t tell a soul or I’ll find and kill your damn family. If we see you again expect another round,” he barked before slamming the door while skinny stepped on the gas and they peeled away. 

When I couldn’t hear the van anymore I began sobbing again. I tried to stand up but the pain was too intense to move. I could smell them on me mixed with the contents of my stomach I had been pushed into. I dragged myself to a nearby pond and used the dirty water to get as much of the bile off of me as I could. I redressed myself and finally pulled myself up. 

I limped all the way home hissing and crying more with each step. No one even noticed when I got home. I headed straight to the bathroom and put the water on in the shower as hot as it would go. I threw my clothes in the garbage and climbed into the shower. I hissed more when the hot water burned on my skin but didn’t move to turn it down. I washed my hair then began scrubbing my body. 

I scrubbed harder and harder when I still didn’t feel clean. After a half hour of scrubbing I still felt dirty and used. I collapsed onto the shower floor and cried. The water soon ran cold but I sat there until I was chilled to the bone and shivering. I reached up to turn the water off then pulled myself up slowly. I grabbed two towels; wrapping one around my waist and using the other to pat my chest and arms dry. 

I closed and locked my bedroom door, pulled on some fresh sweats and crawled into my bed. My duvet was warm so I wrapped it tightly around my cold body and cried myself to sleep hoping that maybe I’d get lucky and not wake up the next morning. 

_***end flashback*** _

By the end of the story Niall’s cheeks were soaked in tears as were the other boys. Niall was shaking when he opened his eyes. He saw the boys looking at him shocked and sad. Louis and Harry were clutching onto one another while they cried and Liam was holding Zayn close while they both cried as well. 

Niall couldn’t take his eyes off of Zayn though. The smaller boy was shaking as well as he dug his fingers into Liam’s forearm. They were all quiet for a while except for the sounds of hiccups and sobs. They calmed down a little bit until it was just sniffles between tears. Zayn looked up at Niall then and now knew what he meant when he had said _’I know baby’_. 

Zayn slowly stood up and limped over to Niall. They were staring at one another the entire time, Zayn lowered himself to sit next to Niall on the couch and Niall was instantly in his arms. They curled into each other with their faces in each other’s necks and breathed in and they both began crying again. 

When they calmed down again Niall began speaking again. His voice was rough and shaky but he wanted to tell the boys _everything_. “After the first attack I just spiraled down. I didn’t care anymore about anything. It didn’t stop either. Somehow they would always find me and attack me again. No one ever found out, or even got suspicious, and I never told because I was scared for my family. I wanted to die.” He said the last line in a whisper and Zayn hugged him tighter. 

“I tried,” he continued. “I actually tried to kill myself a few times. Tried overdosing a few times, starving m’self, getting hit by a car, cutting deep enough. But for some reason nothing worked. The pills never killed me, the car only fractured my wrist, and the cuts would always stop bleeding.” Zayn picked up Niall’s right hand and rolled up the sleeve of his pajamas. He gasped softly before looking in Niall’s eyes and kissing the array of multiple scars, letting his lips linger for a few moments before pulling back. 

Niall bit his lip and kissed Zayn softly. “When I figured out that I wasn’t gonna die no matter what I figured I needed to run; to just get out of there so they couldn’t find me or hurt me anymore. When I heard about the X-factor I knew I could kinda sing and I thought of it as a way out. If I got through then I could leave there, and if I didn’t then I would find another way. 

“I was thrilled to get through, then when they didn’t call my name I broke down because I didn’t wanna go back. I finally had space to breathe, granted I was scared of people but I was away from _them_. Then when I got put in a band with guys I was terrified, but then I actually talked to you and I knew I was safe. We all got on well and you’re the best friends, best brothers, anyone could want.” 

He sighed heavily and took a few breaths. “After we got through the judges house I began forcing the memories away and that’s what it’s been until I saw what happened to Zayn. All the memories came back and I wanted to murder those guys.” He stopped for a few more moments but the boys knew he had more to say. “I don’t know how they found me, again.” 

With that all the boys froze. Niall felt Zayn tense in his arms and he rubbed his back soothingly. “So…” Zayn began unsurely. “The guys that did this to me, they…” 

“Yeah,” Niall answered after Zayn trailed off. “They’re the guys that attacked me for three years. If I didn’t hear you crying that night in the alley, then I probably would have killed at least one of them.” 

Liam got up and embraced the two boys, who instantly wrapped their arms around Liam. Louis and Harry joined and they were group hugging on the couch. It was a bit awkward due to it being on a couch but they all needed it. “What are we gonna do?” Louis asked desperately. “They could be hurting other people!” 

“I don’t know what we can do. We don’t have proof or anything. Plus if this story gets out then it could ruin Niall and Zayn’s life.” Liam said sympathetically. Zayn and Niall slowly nodded in agreement. 

Harry wrapped his arms around the four other boys, his long arms almost completely embracing them easily. “We’ll figure something out; we won’t let them get away like this. We can’t.” he said soothingly to the group. 

Niall and Zayn looked up at each other through the other boys’ embraces. Zayn saw the comfort and protection Niall was giving him. Niall knew what Zayn was going through and there was no way he was letting him do it alone. Zayn stared into those blue eyes that had him captivated; the eyes that made him feel safe. He smiled softly and kissed Niall’s lips. Niall easily returned the kiss and sighed. 

He was finally able to let someone know about his past and the men that ruined his childhood. He felt so safe and relieved and he knew they were going to figure this out somehow. If not for his own sense of security then he would do it for Zayn. 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Does there need to be an epilogue? I don't know yet. Please comment!


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